Captain Midnight here.
Given the opportunity to suggest names for a new £200m polar research ship, the Great British Public voted overwhelmingly for Boaty McBoatface. Sadly, our po-faced government decided to ignore this imaginative offering in favour of RRS Sir David Attenborough.
Now, anyone who hugs gorillas is alright with me and I’m a huge fan of Sir David, but Himself says that he only came 4th in the popular vote. Apparently, the powers that be (Himself is not a great fan of the powers that be) thought it would be more dignified to name the vessel after the great naturalist than to accede to public opinion.
Himself made a big fuss about it. Called it a travesty and the beginning of the end of democracy. What a hypocrite! I don’t get to vote about anything in our house, even what flavour dog biscuit he buys me. Also, given the variety of names he calls me – Ted, Teddy, Tedster, Teddifer, The Teddificator, Mister T, etc. etc. – I don’t think much of his appellatory acumen either.
Anyway, I’ve had a word with the 90 year old Sir David (did you know that he commissioned Monty Python’s Flying Circus when he was BBC Director of Programmes) and I can reveal that I will have exclusive use of said vessel for my super-dog exploits whenever they require [eating] counting penguins or smashing my way through miles of pack ice. I can’t wait to give it a go.
Back soon with all the news that’s fit to print.
Doggy McDogface (aka Captain Midnight)
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