Captain Midnight here.
OK this is a bit of a tricky one.
Technically, I’m guilty of criminal damage. At least, I would be if I were human. But – and it’s a big but – I’m a dog.
I tried explaining to Himself why I chewed a hole in his Pendleton blanket last week and (even trickier to explain) why I also chewed a hole in Herself’s favourite handmade Shetland Jumper yesterday. The conversation went something like this:
Him: “Look what you’ve done you blankety-blank, good-for-nothing, useless excuse for a mutt. You’re a bad, bad Boy!”
Me (lowering my head and looking pitiful): “But I love you.”
Him: “That’s no reason to ruin our things, is it?”
Me: “I only took a couple of small mouthfuls. How can that be “ruined”?
Him: “But they were precious and expensive. We wanted them 100% intact.”
Me: “Well, that’s just greedy! Besides, now there’s 110% of them because I’ve added an extra 10% love.”
Him: “You call that love?
Me: “If we dogs like something, we lick it; if we love something, we chew it. It’s pretty basic canine psychology. I love you both but you wouldn’t like it if I chewed you, so I chewed your stuff instead.”
Him: “But why holes? Couldn’t you just have given them a good suck?”
Me: “Suck? I love you both much more than that!”
Honestly, he’s so dim-witted sometimes.