Alien Invasion

lilbubchristmas

TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES

Sir,

I have it on good report that the Internet has been invaded by kittens. Their gurning faces appear on social media 20 million times a day. This electronic invasion could not have taken place without deluded human collaborators spending half their lives posting photographs of their fiendish feline friends.

One might be inclined to forgive such a habit were it kept private but many of these twisted souls then see fit to inflict these ghastly images on the rest of us on the grounds that they are (and the very word is ash in one’s mouth) – “cute.”

Having a respectable portrait of oneself with one’s dog hung in one’s club is one thing but the wanton display of these alien creatures in public is quite another. It is an affront to decent society. Those who perpetrate this calumny are to be castigated and shunned as unworthy of canine affection. As that perceptive dog-lover Ogden Nash once wrote:

“The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.”

Yours faithfully, Edward Midnight, Capt. R.N.

17 December, 2016